Understanding God's plan

"Sometimes the only way the good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them"-Ven. Fulton Sheen

When we step back and look back on our lives, no matter how long or short they may have been, we can see how God has worked through our suffering in order to bring us closer to Him.  Unfortunately, God has to allow things to happen, in order to mold us into who we were meant to be.  "But now, O LORD, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand." Isaiah 64:8.  Many people fight these trials, or become angry with God, but some accept them and use them to their benefit.  When we step back and understand that we are not fully in control and that everything God does is good (always, all the time), we are closer to experiencing the pure joy, which we desire.

"For one pain endured with joy, we shall love the good God more forever."-St. Therese of Lisieux

The lives of the great saints are filled with stories of pain and suffering.  It was through these trials, which they fully accepted, that they were able to obtain the graces necessary to reach holiness.  In much of the Christian world, people believe that suffering must mean a lack of faith.  Because, God would never allow those closest to Him be harmed, right?  But, wait... What was the fate of the apostles (fate of apostles here)?  What about those martyred in the early Church?  What about those killed today?   St. Paul says in Colossians 1:24, “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I complete what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church”.  St. Paul understands that suffering for Christ's sake, the most noble cause, is what God had intended.  God showed us how to do so Himself.  Thus, we must also take up our cross and offer our suffering to God.  

"Christ also suffered for (us), leaving (us) an example so that (we) should follow in his steps"- 1Pet.2:21.

Now, as I step back and apply this to my own life, I am able to make much more sense of things.  I am so grateful for my suffering, for God has molded me and brought me closer to Him.  If bad things were not allowed to happen, I may have never clung to Him.  If I had not suffered, I would not be grateful for the comfort I feel today.  I am sure most of us have reached a point in our lives, whether it be illness, emotional or physical pain, when we step back and say, "Wow, I will be much more grateful for the comfort I will feel once this is over".  Or, "I wish I would have had a better attitude before this happened."  In these moments God is with us.  He understands the pain, no matter how insignificant we may think it is because he experienced the worst during His time on Earth.

"When it is all over you will not regret having suffered; rather you will regret having suffered so little, and suffered that little so badly."-St. Sebastian Valfre

I have had my heart broken many times, but it was only through these times that I allowed myself to be changed by God.  Once you loose everything, you have nothing else to loose.  This can be a great blessing, because this means there are less obstacles to holiness.  When I first came back to the Catholic Church, I had to submit myself fully, which the Church asks of us.  I had to step out of my comfort zone and loose my sense of pride to be able to surrender to the Church God founded Himself.  There were many teachings I struggled with, but I had to allow God to give me the wisdom to understand.  I had a lack of faith in many ways, which I had to pray for.  The most beautiful thing God did for me, was make sense of my past and use it to teach me.

"We are at Jesus' disposal. If he wants you to be sick in bed, if he wants you to proclaim His work in the street, if he wants you to clean the toilets all day, that's all right, everything is all right. We must say, "I belong to you. You can do whatever you like." And this ..is our strength, and this is the joy of the Lord." -Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta

It has been written that Blessed Mother Theresa had feet that were poorly deformed.  Why?  Because the mission she worked for received shipments of donated shoes to be distributed to whoever needed them.  She used to dig through the shoes, to find the worst pair and wear them herself, no matter how bad they fit her.  She did this so no one else would have to wear them.  The others would get the best instead of the worst.  Now, I may not be called to do this myself, but when I complain about the littlest things God asks of me, I should really feel a sense of shame when in comparison to this incredible woman.  We live in a world that teaches us selfishness, so when we realize our attachment to things of this world, we must look to Christ and the saints, like Bl Mother Teresa, who imitate pure love and selflessness.

When I complain of the lack of sleep due to having a newborn, I must remember those who do not have a child (they pray to have), to wake them up.  When I complain of illness, I must be aware of those around me who suffer much more than I.  When I complain of boredom, I must read about those who suffer all over the world for basic things I take for granted.  When I am satisfied, I must find more ways to do more work for God.  When I want more, I must give away.  When I am afraid, I must trust God, always.  When I struggle, I must take up my cross and follow Him (and pray, a lot).  If I must suffer, it is God's will.  The opposite of what this world teaches us, it what will bring us true happiness.

Lastly, when I start to complain, I must go back and read this blog, which I'm sure will benefit me in the future. ;)

Explanation of the fall of man in the Catechism
Offering it up  Fisheaters

A big saint and a little saint

Tomorrow is a special day.  It's my daughter's second birthday and it will also be the day that Blessed Pope John Paul II is canonized.  Since my daughter has a Polish half (my genes) and the story of my own conception has roots with JPII's visit to the US, it is a day that will be remembered for years to come.
So the story is, my mother was dealing with infertility.  Back then, they didn't know much of what was happening with her (if she had miscarriages, endometriosis, etc), but it had been several years that she and my father tried to conceive without success.  JPII came to DC in late 1979, so my mom and grandma made a trip to see him.  I was told that as the Pope passed by, as they were standing in the streets, you could feel a Holy presence around him.  My grandma fainted after he went passed.  This is not surprising, as she loved him and was a very devout Catholic.  Afterward, my mom and grandma went to the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception.  I was told that while there my mom prayed to conceive a child.
Another story I've heard was about how they believed my mom and grandma encountered something supernatural (or at least bizarre) while in DC.  They were walking around one evening after the Pope made an appearance and my mom commented on how beautiful the buildings and art were, but it was a shame that she just realized that she needed a new flash for her camera.  They couldn't take pictures, as it was getting too dark.  This was back in '79, when stores weren't open late, so they couldn't go buy one at the time.  Moments after this realization and woman walked up to them and handed my mom the exact flash she needed for her camera and said, "Here, I think you need this".  Completely stunned, my mom and grandma looked at each other in shock.  When they turned back toward the woman, she was gone.  Of course, my grandma's conclusion was that God must have sent the woman as their angel, not just to help them with what they needed, but also with their faith.
Once my mom returned home, she continued to pray. When she did conceive, a year later (after finally figuring out the problem), she became more devoted to the Catholic Faith.  In the past, she had 'tried' out other Churches and left the Faith for awhile.  I heard a story from my grandma about how my mom was baptized in the Grand River when it was almost freezing, she got sick, went in the hospital and the members of this 'church' went absolutely crazy.  They claimed demonic presence, since she got sick from the baptism and tried praying over her  (this was not a Catholic church, just to be sure you know).  So, she dipped her feet into some crazy other waters (literally and figuratively).  So, my mom and grandma strongly believed that the blessings given by JPII to the crowd and prayer at the Basilica was what eventually led to my conception and my mother's stronger devotion to raising me Catholic.  I was baptized Catholic and attended Catholic School until 6th grade.  I am an only child and my name was chosen because my mom believed that prayers in heaven helped send me here.
Unfortunately after my parents' divorce, my mom struggled with depression, which led to less frequent Mass attendance.  At least I was in Catholic School and my grandma helped financially and always prayed for me.   I am quite certain that my grandma's prayers are what contributed to bringing me back to the Church after I had gone astray for awhile.
So, with JPII being a big influence in my mom's life surrounding my birth and infancy, my first daughter having a birthday on his canonization date is pretty wonderful, in my eyes.  I pray to get to learn much more about St. JPII in the future because I am very proud of my Polish ancestry and the wonderful impact this man had on not just Poland, but the world.

A loss, a baby and reflection

I recently gave birth to our 4th child, who is beautiful and healthy.  That very same week that she was born, my mother in law passed away.  We discovered that she had pancreatic cancer around Thanksgiving and she passed in January.  Thank God she did not suffer for long, even though the pain she endured during this time was heart wrenching to witness.  I'm sure my husband was under a lot of stress, but handled it wonderfully.  Her visitation was the day before my scheduled c-section.

We're entering Lent and trying to prepare while adjusting to having a new member of our family (and a missing member of our extended family).  I feel as though life is moving so fast, that we haven't been able to fully prepare ourselves this year.

Before the baptism of our little one, I was "Churched" for the first time.  This is a traditional blessing of the mother, who is coming back to Church after giving birth.  I knelt with a candle in my hand while the priest said the prayers and I felt quite emotional.  During this time I was thinking to myself what an honor it was to be given another life to care for, and what a blessing it was to have such an amazing parish to belong to.  What was even more wonderful is that we had about 7 family members with us (two of them protestants) who went to the Latin Mass for the first time with us prior to this.  The godparents of our little one couldn't be more perfect and we were also blessed to have them there (friends of ours who live out the Faith fully).

We have been members of a parish that offers the Traditional Latin Mass for over a year and a half now.  We have slowly started to get to know people and even had some wonderful teenagers from the parish babysit for us when I was in the hospital (having c section #4).  We have also been attending Mass as a whole family, which we only used to do occasionally and got over the fear of having to manage a 4, 3, and almost 2 year old (plus a newborn now).  I used to be very nervous about going out with very young children in public, but I am finding myself able to manage all of them quite well.  Honestly, when I only had 1 child, I had extreme anxiety at times about going out in public with him.  God has worked on this with me, since obviously I am much more comfortable than I used to be.

It's comforting to see other women cover their head and dress modestly at the Latin Mass (as well as the NO at our Parish).  I'm not sure of how long it has been (maybe a year or so) that I started dressing more modestly, but I continue to do so.  Maxi skirts and modest tops are taking over my wardrobe and I recently donated most of my jeans (had to keep a couple.. not sure why).  I think about it less over time, where as before I was a little self conscious about what others thought (the same happened when I started veiling at Mass 3 years ago).  I struggled with the idea of keeping warm in the winter while wearing a skirt, but I have since found warm, knee high socks and and a good pair of boots. I remember talking to God, telling Him that I felt like he was asking me to wear skirts, but I am always cold.  That day I decided to wear a skirt and I was extremely hot!  God really has a sense of humor.  Since then, I've worn skirts everyday, not just at Mass (like I originally had done).

Right now I feel like I am being attacked spiritually.  Even though I know it's not the case, I feel like I am apathetic when it comes to prayer.  I know I'm really tired from the day to day work with the kids, but every time I'm at Mass, praying the rosary, doing daily prayers, I find myself very distracted or anxious about everything and anything.  I know I live for and do all things for God, but I'm not sure how to break this habit.  I may just be coming more aware of these bad habits, so I know I need to pray about it.  I'm probably just tired and overwhelmed.  I know this will pass eventually.